Do Not Watch The News...!!

As I have said from the beginning do not watch the news it will only bother you more, but more importantly I ask that you at least do not watch it for the nest few days. There isn't anything to worry about on my end I and relatively safe (ponder on that one for a minute), but the Iraqi constitution is going to be ratified tomorrow and it will bring the bugs out of the woodwork. The reports from what I have been told, which is very little, is enough to make your skin crawl, but unfortunately we can take any chances. I hear a lot about what the insurgents claim they are going to do and most times it doesn't, but we have to take every potential threat seriously.

This actually comes at a time where I am feeling more mortal than ever which has increased my awareness, either that or I am becoming more paranoid. I went to midnight chow tonight, because I didn't want to be hungry the entire night like I am most of the time. Now although I am in a protected area it is ill advised to travel alone. Well it isn't like there are a ton of people up at midnight so I had to go on my own. Now I did say we are in a protected area, but I think I have played enough videogames in my life to be able to sneak around in an area where there is no light at all. With that being said what do you think a military trained insurgent could do. Although management allows us to carry weapons on the jobs we go out into the field for, that is not something they take lightly when it comes to the protected area of BIAP. So I grab the only thing remotely close to a weapon, my stainless steel made in the good ole USA Gerber pocket knife. What is this good for against armed insurgents, nothing... But it beats not having anything in my book.

So I hop in the car and get under way trying to get there and back as fast as humanly possible within safe limits. Worse thing I can think about would be to die in a car accident IN IRAQ going to get chow. So I am cautious with my speed especially since there aren't any road reflectors or street lights guiding my path. I get to my destination wash my hands grab a plate and wait in line. The choices aren't exactly what I was looking for, but I should ask myself what in GODS name am I looking for to eat at a military chow hall in the middle of the desert. Nevermind... Anyway I grab some steamed rice, chicken cordon blue, some chicken wings, yams and a slice of pizza (boy how I love my pizza). So I grab a couple Pepsis and head back to the car. I drive a little slower than before a little less tense, my thought process is that I am more than half way there and getting back is the easy part of the trip. No matter where you go in Iraq the return seems so much easier than the initial departure, but in all honesty the danger is pretty much the same. Anyway I got back went to work sat and begin to ponder once more how much longer will I stay here....

The funny thing is I use to always believe that GOD had a plan for me so I couldn't die as long as his plan isn't fulfilled, but now I am beginning to realize my own mortality. See I am a firm believer that the longer you put yourself in danger the greater the chances are you become a statistic. For an example the more you fly the greater your chance you will end up on a plane that will not make it to its intended destination. I think the same applies for being in Baghdad and working under extreme conditions. I take comfort in the fact the the Almighty has covered my tail for these last 7 months, I even glorify it in my conversation. In 7 months time I have never witnessed, or have been apart of any atrocities what-so-ever. I haven't even been shot at (as of yet) and the going saying around here is if you stay here long enough you will be shot at at least once in your time here. I am not sure why this sudden sense of weakness, I am not sure if it is because I just got back from a good break, or if reality of my decisions and the possible effects it will have on others. My Bro said yesterday that he knew I was coming back, because I had things to do and life to live. Until yesterday I was a firm believer in that thought process.

Why now at this point in my life I finally realize the potential I have, but in the same breath I feel weak...

Getting older sucks...

Wisdom sucks...

The more I know the more I realize the less I know...

KP